It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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