It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
