I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
