i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
