Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
