Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
