At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
