I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
