ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
