then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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