Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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