Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
