My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
