Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
