please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
NoShamevember. You game?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
