I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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