Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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