I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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