I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
