i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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