Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
