This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
