Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
