she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
