My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
