I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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