Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
