I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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