Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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