I just pynch a tree in the face
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
