i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
