Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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