In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
