I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
