nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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