It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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