i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
