why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were trust falling into bushes
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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