I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You have to summon your inner elephant
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
