I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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