i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
