Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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