Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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