i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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