I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
