guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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