even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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