I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
