Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
