He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
