yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
