Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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