Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
