Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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