i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
