Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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