She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My vagina just recognized that song.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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